


You'll Be Back

by Crumbles_Of_Reality



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Anxiety, Do not read unless you're prepared to read loose ends, NOT FULLY FINISHED I JUST STOPPED, Oneshot, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm, Song fic, Tony Needs a Hug, discontinued, hnnnggg, probably undereating but not on purpose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-29
Updated: 2016-12-29
Packaged: 2018-09-13 06:19:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9110311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crumbles_Of_Reality/pseuds/Crumbles_Of_Reality
Summary: You'll Be Back - Steve x Tony healing fic where Tony needs the healing and Steve is the metaphorical nurse.--------------Ok but I actually lost inspiration for a damn oneshot. Whoops. Anyway, don't read if you don't like not knowing what happens but I felt I should put this up here. Message me if you want to know the gist of the ending and such. I just think that I should have gone with a more "no main relationships" fic where Tony just gets all the loving and healing from the family he never had.





	

_You say_  
The price of our love’s not a price that you’re willing to pay  
You cry  
In your tea which you hurl in the sea when you see me go by 

It was their third fight in a week. Tony was slurring drunkenly and screaming at Pepper because Pepper just wouldn’t stop _nagging_ him and begging him to get help. Tony played stupid at first, _what problem_ , because sometimes Pepper would drop it after that, but now she had brought up _him_ , and just his name made Tony furious. Howard.

“Tony, please, just- let me help you- I- I- I can’t see you like this anymore!” Pepper was crying, and Tony wanted to smile because hey, that’s new, Pepper doesn’t cry often. He knows he’s drunk out of his mind but it doesn’t seem to matter right now, Tony just wants to go to sleep and maybe do more if Pepper wants to…

“Pepper?” 

Tony’s voice hangs in the air, and Tony blinks and realizes that he’s not on the barstool anymore, he’s in _their_ bed, and Pepper is nowhere to be seen. Immediately Tony looks to the bedside table, and sure enough there is a note there. And two painkillers. With a weak smile Tony downs them dry and reads the note.

_Why so sad?  
Remember we made an arrangement when you went away _

Tony misses waking up to Pepper’s body beside him, gently waking him fron the nightmares that haunted him when the anxiety didn’t. It had been around three weeks since the note, the one that, to sum it up, said, **Sorry Tony, You’re too problematic and you fucked up again, like you always do, you stupid failure. I can’t deal with you anymore, so if you can ever change your ways and stop all your _fucking_ problems maybe I’ll come back. Love, Pepper. ** Something along the lines of that, a little sweeter, a little less harsh, but yeah. That.

Now he was in his workshop, tinkering on a update for Barton’s arrows and a possible new chemical to infuse the tips with when he heard the doors open. Natasha is standing in the doorway, and if that isn’t a big enough surprise, the look on her face seems actually _human_. Shocking. This specific emotion was called pity, Tony noted, and he didn’t like that.

When he realized a glare was not sufficient to make Natasha to explain herself, he sighed. “What do you want, Romanoff?” 

She looked at Tony for another second, through the translucent blue screen before striding over to him and grabbing his wrist. He stifled a yelp and tried to tug away, but not very hard, curious to see what Natasha was up to. Up to the common-room… when everyone had moved in, Tony had spent time up there with everyone, but after Ultron he couldn’t bear to look into any of their eyes, so he tended to stay away. Now, though, he could tell that almost everyone would be here. It was just one of those sixth sense things. 

Barton was perched on the armrest of a couch, Bruce settled on the actual chair with a miffed expression at Clint, Thor reclining over the entirety of one sofa, while Cap and Rhodey sat on the other. All of them were looking at Tony, who shuffled awkwardly. 

“Um, hey? Why was I brought from my workshop- where I was doing very important things- to here?” Clint snorted, and Tony shot him a look, ready to snap at him that the very important thing happened to be his arrows, when Rhodey spoke up.

“Tony, you’ve been doing those very important things for nearly four days without rest or anything but a ridiculous amount of coffee,” he said earnestly. Tony frowned at all of them, then felt anger start to bubble up in him.

“Oh, so now you guys all care? Since when? Let me do my thing, and Clint, I’ll just put aside the arrows I was working on for you, I guess they weren’t really that important, you didn’t seem to think s-” Steve put a hand on his shoulder, making him jump. When had he gotten next to him? Maybe Tony did need sleep.. But if he did, he’d have nightmares, and that wouldn’t be nice, no, Steve, no thankyou, I don’t need any more nightmares, he thinks, and oh, did he say that out loud? By the horrified look on Rhodey’s face, he did. 

“Tones, you told me they stopped?” He asked, disbelief in his voice. Tony could feel all the eyes on him, all watching him, and suddenly it was too much, he missed Pepper, where was she? She needed a promotion… no, she’s already CEO, she needs a raise… He felt his feet slip as he tried to back away, and he fell into a dreamless sleep, to his relief. 

When he woke up Rhodey was sitting by a bed, looking at him with a tired expression on his face. Noticing he was awake didn’t seem to make him stare any less. “Staring is rude, Rhodes,” Tony whined, and he realized how much better he felt. His throat wasn’t as raspy, and he hadn’t slept soundly in terribly long. 

“Tony, you have to tell me these things. We’ve all been worried about you. I’m worried you’re taking the breakup with Pepper hard-” Tony flinched “- and Cap agreed everyone is worried you’ll endanger us on the team if you keep this up.” 

Tony bristled. “Of course, my wellbeing doesn’t matter as long as I keep it in check for ‘the team’, right? Yeah, well, I’ll do whatever the hell I want!” He ended up yelling, and he had meant to sound neutral, so he finished with a moody shrug. Rhodey sighed, and Tony nearly snapped at him, but instead found himself up out of the bed and walking directly into the hallway leading to the gathering room. 

He realized now that he was shirtless in a pair of sweatpants, and he looked at the scars on his chest in disgust, contemplating hiding them like he always did, and instead deciding _screw it_ , as long as he doesn’t endanger the team, right? So he headed to the kitchen and started to make a coffee. He doubted anyone else in this tower would be able to handle his brew, so he took the entire pot when it was done and began to head towards the elevator. 

“Tony! Join us, Steven is making us a Midgardian breakfast feast!” Thor called to him, and Tony jumped, because he hadn’t even noticed them there, and he was about to turn back when his stomach grumbled. 

“Fuck it.” He mumbled quietly, then walked to the breakfast bar and took a seat. Steve was bustling around in the kitchen, with tousled morning hair that was extremely cute. Natasha was glaring sleepily at everyone from her tea, Bruce was reading a book, and Clint and Thor were fighting over what seemed to be the last pack of poptarts. 

At the moment Steve was turned around, but when Tony sat he turned to Tony with a smile. His eyes caught on the disgusting scars on his chest, but finally he met Tony’s eyes with one of his blinding grins. Tony looked away, pot of coffee still in his hands. He poured some into his mug and sipped it sleepily. His hands ached to scratch at the ugly things on his torso, seeing them just in his corner of sight, but he forced himself to stay calm.

_Now you’re making me mad  
Remember, despite our estrangement, I’m your man_

It was the next mission when the inevitable happened. Sure, Tony had some good days, but many were filled with nightmares, and that was if he even managed to sleep, and the team was trying to include them as much as possible, he could see, but it was hard to break old habits.

Doctor Doom had obviously been working on something new, and because Cap deemed Wanda, Vision, and Falcon unready to be in a real fight due to their incomplete training, the original Avengers and War Machine were trying their best to destroy the monster. Tony was in the middle of fighting when he saw something out of the corner of his eye.

Black, inky, dark, and swirling. A vortex… the void…. No, he had to get away, he couldn’t breathe! The void was back, he had to tell the others, had to protect Pepper, to… to… Tony, distracted, didn’t see the blow until it smacked him upside the head, and the Avengers watched as Iron Man fell from the sky.

Thankfully War Machine managed to catch Tony before any serious damage was made, but Tony had a slightly-more-than-mild concussion. When Tony woke up, he was in the Tower Clinic. Thoughts were jumbled in his head, but he wasn’t sure where he was. There was a man in front of him, looked like a… a, doctor. He seemed to be telling someone in the room somethi- “Pepper?” 

Blue eyes, light red- no, blonde, no, this wasn’t Pepper. A sob caught in his throat. Why had Pepper left him? She said she’d never leave, and yet it’s Steve who’s at the hospital with him, who has to deal with his problems now, instead of Pepper. He feels a slight twinge of guilt, but more overwhelming embarrassment. He is thankful that he doesn’t have any wires attached to him, because it makes it that much easier when he tries to stand up. 

Emphasis on _tries_ , Tony gets nowhere because suddenly Steve is holding him and shooing off the doctor. Tony tells Steve to take him to his lab, and Steve downright denies the request. Angry, Tony again attempts to escape to his workshop, but Steve catches him and throws him over his shoulder. It makes Tony’s head hurt more, but he doesn’t mind, because _wow_ , did you always have such a nice butt? 

Tony feels Steve shaking and registers that he said that out loud and that Steve is laughing, but Tony shuts him up when he pokes the small of Steve’s back. He swats Tony’s hand away with his free hand and shakes his head. 

Mostly the rest of the day and the next is a blur, but Tony wakes up in a cold sweat on the third day, shaking. Tears are running down his face and he didn’t even realize it. Thankfully, he doesn’t remember the dream, but it was horrible, and he knew that with all certainty. Slipping out of bed, he goes to the bathroom and washes his face, then sighs, and tries to breathe. There may be a ball of light in his chest physically, but mentally there is something much darker there, and Tony only knows a few ways to ease the pain there. One is drinking, yes, but since Pepper- well, he is going to change. It’s what’s right.

But the other one is more immediately damaging, but often less long-lasting. Tony reaches into his bathroom cabinet and digs around, looking for the thing he needed, and when he found it the bundle of nerves in his chest had grown considerably. His breathing was rapid, and all he wanted was just to take the object in his hands and move the pain away from his heart and to somewhere else. 

Quickly, he slid the metal against his stomach once. And it felt so good to be doing it again, to feet the cold against his skin and then the sting, the pain, and see the blood bubbling up, that he forgot about his promise years ago and did it again. And again. He stopped counting, but the right side of his stomach stung, and he grabbed onto that pain and forgot about everything else. 

Tears threatened to well up in his eyes again, but he pushed them away. He would change, he’d spend more time with everyone if that was how they wanted it, anything, because if they could have happy moments through all of their hells, then he could through his baby-problems. Tony had been going around shirtless in the tower more often, simply because it was comfortable, but now he cleaned the stinging cuts and put on a shirt, then walked to the elevator to head to the room where most of the Avengers would be hanging around.

_You’ll be back, soon you’ll see_  
You’ll remember you belong to me  
You’ll be back, time will tell  
You’ll remember that I served you well 

Everyone noticed the change. Tony seemed happier, and hung around them more. Steve couldn’t place the feeling around Tony, but something about it didn’t seem right. He brushed it off daily, placing it down as Tony being Tony.

Today Steve had had a brilliant idea, because it was nearly the middle of summer and the team had barely done anything at all recreational with eachother apart from movie nights. He moved in for the kill- or, rather, the demand. Everyone was gathered around the breakfast bar, even the newest recruits, since they had moved in.

“So, I was thinking, we should have a pool party as a Team Bonding Experience.” Steve stated. Clint whooped, and Thor looked confused but copied Clint, seemingly taking it as a good thing, while Bruce snorted and shook his head. Vision looked as indifferent as Wanda, and Sam and Rhodey were on a small mission, so they weren’t present. Steve took it as an extremely good sign that Natasha smiled, so he looked at Tony, expecting to see him already in swimming trunks or something, because Tony would be like that, but instead he was frozen, and looked shaky. 

“Uh, Tony? It’ll be fun,” Steve offered. Tony shook himself off and nodded, then retreated to his room. Steve frowned, then shared a knowing look with the team before heading off after Tony. Steve understood Tony had touchy subjects, but whenever this happened Steve would talk it through with Tony, give him a shoulder to lean on, and inevitably blush as Tony would lighten the mood. They had grown to be quite close, something Steve never would have imagined happening just a couple months ago. 

Tony was sitting on his bed, shaking. Steve stood at the doorway until Tony looked up, and the expression of pure terror there alarmed Steve. He walked to Tony and sat down next to him, then waited for Tony to start talking. Sometimes he wouldn’t, and they would just sit in comfortable silence, pressed against eachother like their warmth depended on it. 

“I-in Afghanistan,” Tony starts, and immediately Steve knows that Tony must be placing a lot of trust in him if he’s willing to share his story of the first couple of days in the cave with him, “They used to dunk me in water until the very last second before I- I drowned before starting all over again. Among other things,” he says bitterly, but before Steve can say anything starts again, “But it’s ok. I can deal with water, it’s about time I get over it anyway, it was years ago.” Steve shakes his head, then envelopes Tony in a hug. The brunette squeaked in pain and clutched at his stomach, but then shook his head and hugged Steve back. 

They stayed like that for a while, and Steve knew he had helped more than if he had tried to reassure Tony. He looked into Tony’s eyes, and shyly kissed him on the cheek before standing and walking off to assure the others that Tony was ok, and that yes, there would be a pool party tomorrow.

_Oceans rise, empires fall_  
We have seen eachother through it all  
And when push comes to shove  
I will send a fully armed battalion to remind you of my love! 

Tony tried not to shake as he slipped on a slightly loose swim shirt and trunks. He knew it would look weird, with the shirt, but he had to hide the cuts that had moved from one side of his stomach to the entire area, mingling with palladium poisoning scars and workshop mishaps. He had made a waterproof casing for his arc reactor, and put it on carefully before heading down to the floor that Tony had actually designed to make wicked pool parties. When Tony arrived he was in the process of un-tensing, but one glimpse at the water and he was struggling to breathe evenly.

Tony strolled to the place where Bruce had apparently set up a grill, and Clint was barbecuing things while shooting comments at everyone. Wanda and Natasha were conversing in a far corner of the room, and the others were horsing around in the center. Thankfully, Mjolnir was nowhere to be seen. Thor seemed to understand that lightning and water didn’t mix well without killing someone. 

“Hey Iron Man, why’re you wearing a kiddie shirt?” Clint joked, bringing Tony back to the present with a jolt. He didn’t reply, just stood awkwardly, realizing overwhelmingly that everyone was staring at him. 

“I didn’t want to bless you peasants with my abs,” Tony retorts, and just in time, because it would have been too long a pause had he waited another second. Everyone seemed to relax and chuckle, and Tony seated himself on one of the lounging chairs. He closed his eyes and was relieved to find he didn’t need to swim, but almost immediately after Steve swam up to him and leaned against the wall next to Tony’s lounger.

“Hey Tony, come in the water! You can be on my team in the water fight, it’ll be fun,” he whispered seriously. Tony smiled at him, feeling something foreign stir inside him. 

“Sure,” Tony breathed, and Steve’s entire face lit up. He waited for Tony to get in and swam back. Tony focused on Steve, how his arm’s moved rhythmically through the water, and not the water himself, but once he was in the water he realized it wasn’t so bad. Splash fights, however, were terrifying, so he quickly retreated to talking with Vision, who was floating idly on top of the waters. 

Of course, no good things can last, and it was only a matter of time before things got worse. In this case, terrible. Clint had started it, joining in on the splash fight while taking a break from the grill. He had said offhand comments on how weird it was that Tony was wearing a shirt, and bluntly said no one minded Tony’s arc reactor, making him flinch and earning Clint a smack on the head from Steve. 

Even that wasn’t enough to discourage them, though, and one thing led to another when most of the splashing participants were chasing after him trying to get his shirt off. Tony hid his panic, but felt like he was going to scream if Thor got any closer to him. 

They managed to corner him, and Tony tried begging, but it was obvious none of them could see the reason behind it. Many of his cuts were still fresh, and had small bandaid-like bandages on them, and all the other older scars would definitely give away his thoughts.  
His trail of thought was cut as he fought furiously with them to keep his shirt on, but when it was obvious they were going to win (it was ripping) Tony covered his stomach with his arms. He was smiling, but felt like crying as the guys laughed rowdily around him at their success. Tony knew his arms couldn’t cover everything, because he still wasn’t eating enough and was slightly underweight, but he had always been that way. 

Of course Steve would be the first one to notice them. “...Tony?” He asked, and then, for the tenth time today, all eyes were on him. And then his stomach. And the bandages. And the cuts. “What are those?” Steve’s voice is very quiet, but it echoes around the pool area. Tony had thought of an excuse recently, in case this somehow happened, and he blurted,

“In the workshop. Stuff explodes all the time in there.” He knew it wasn’t believable, but Tony honestly didn’t care. 

“Those don’t look like workshop incidents, buddy,” Clint says, and his usually joking voice is very somber in the moment. Tony bristles and looks at them, calculating the route quickest to the elevator, adding in the dodging, and… oh well, it’s worth a shot. 

“See ya!” He yells, and barrels past them to the elevator, sprinting on the dry ground. They are definitely shocked, but the Avengers aren’t the Avengers for nothing. Steve crosses twice as much ground as Tony at once, so Tony realizes his best choice of action is the stairwell. So he shoves the door open and runs down, half sprinting half jumping, praying that no one will catch him. All the recent socializing and training had left him in better shape, and by the time Steve got to the door of the stair-well Tony was halfway to where he wanted to be.

Using the same previous math as before, Tony managed to slam the workshop door in Steve’s face and then black out the windows in record time. He could hear Steve trying to break down the glass, and snorted.

“You won’t put a dent in that glass, winghead. Don’t hurt yourself trying,” he says, and then he realizes he’s set himself up for failure with his choice of words. 

“Me hurting _myself_? That’s rich, Tony. What are those things on your stomach?” Steve yells, obviously angry and distressed. Tony makes an explosion sound, and Steve growls. 

“Let me in you asshat!” For some reason, Tony really wants to, and so the door opens and Steve comes tumbling through. He can hear the footsteps clattering in the stairwell and re-does everything before anyone else gets here. He also soundproofs it, because he doesn’t want everyone hearing his sob story. 

Tony turns around and comes face to face with a teary eyed Steve, and the sight of that is enough to make Tony wish he had died, because he never wants to cause that look from Steve again. Steve leans forward more, and before Tony understands what’s happening Steve presses his lips against Tony’s. Tony tenses for a second before leaning on his tip-toes to kiss Steve better. Tony tastes the salt of Steve’s tears, but then he isn’t sure which one of them is crying anymore, so he just deepens the kiss and pretends that there is nothing else in the world, because he should be allowed that at least, just for once.

  
_Da da da dat da dat da da da da ya da_  
Da da dat dat da ya da!  
Da da da dat da dat da da da da ya da  
Da da dat dat da 

 

Steve talks to him in the confines of the lab, and Tony really wished he hadn’t let him in, because he sounds so pleading and confused. “Tony, why would you hurt yourself?” Tony flinches as a hand brushes against his scars, but then relaxes when he remembers it’s only Steve. He remains silent, because he doesn’t want to answer Steve and hurt him anymore, or make him go after someone, though who he didn’t know. 

“I need a drink,” Tony declares, and stands up to go to the mini fridge in the far wall of the lab. He stretches and crosses over, but Steve grabs his wrist and pulls him back. 

“Tony, don’t, please. What you do isn’t healthy, you need to eat and sleep more, get help, _I’ll_ help you, just… come here,” he pleads, and slowly Tony walks back to him, into his open arms, and for the second time today he’ll pretend that everything is fine.

“Friday, let the others in,” Steve says quietly. Tony jerks back, alarmed, and glares at Steve, a feeling of betrayal set in his mind. Steve flinches at the hateful look Tony gives him, but knows it was for the best. The others rush in, Bruce in the lead, looking a bit green- and not in a sick way. Tony shuffled back into a corner of the room, breathing heavily, eyes darting back and forth like a scared animal. Steve wanted to yell at the others to leave him alone, because Tony looked like he was having a panic attack, but they were keeping their distance anyway. Just as the silence reached its breaking point, Rhodey’s voice sounded over the intercoms. 

“Hey guys? Where are you, me and Sam are back for the party.” There was a quiet murmur between the group around Tony, then Natasha pressed her hand to her ear. 

“Get down to Tony’s lab. Quickly.” 

Tension rises in the room until finally Rhodey and Sam burst through the elevator, on full alert. What they find is the Avengers huddled around the room and Tony in a corner, obviously injured in a way. 

Rhodey realizes the first out of the two. “Tones, no, buddy…” He whispers, and walks forward, passing by all the others who were hesitantly standing around, unsure of what to do with themselves. “You told me the nightmares stopped. You told me you stopped, what happened?” Tony glared up at him.

“Shit happened, Rhodey! Getting sucked into a wormhole isn’t exactly pleasant! Being the cause of hundreds of deaths isn’t a hobby of mine! I don’t need your pity, anyway. Just- just, go away, I’m perfectly fan-fucking-tastic, look, see?” Tony angrily showed his wrists to them, pulling his arms away from the angry red cuts on his stomach. “They’re just scratches from the workshop, piss off.” He growls, in an attempt to look intimidating. It’s difficult considering tears are welled in his eyes, but he still manages to give off the ‘I’m really pissed and you know it’ look. 

Rhodey sighed, looked at Tony, and sat down next to him. He muttered a few words into Tony’s ear that no one else could hear, Tony nodded and sniffed, and the War Machine was up and out of the room. 

“Friday, escort Spangles and the others out, please, I don’t need them bothering me while I work.” A minute of protest rises up, ending with Natasha guiding everyone out to Friday’s insistance.

  
_You say our love is draining and you can’t go on  
You’ll be the one complaining when I am gone…. _

 

Bruce walks into the lab with ease, a little surprised at the lack of security. Then he remembers that of the Avengers, he is one of the few lucky ones who really connected with Tony, and that he was allowed entrance to the lab almost all the time.

He shook his head. That wasn’t what he was here to wonder about, he needed to take Tony out of his lab, get him to eat, and then sleep. Because it had been a week since ‘the incident’ and Tony hadn’t emerged from his lab once. 

Speaking of the man, he is looking tiredly at a projection of Nat’s Widow Bites, muttering something about ‘worthless’ that didn’t sound like Tony was talking about the Widow Bites. Bruce sighed and spoke up, from where he was almost directly next to the man.  
“Tony.” 

Tony jumped and pushed his rolling chair back from the desk, startled and sluggish at the same time. He appeared visibly relaxed at the sight that it was only Bruce and not St- well, Bruce wasn’t sure, but Tony did seem to have a certain difficulty with the man. 

“Bruce! My man, good friend, uhh, hi!” Tony slurred in exhaustion. Bruce gave Tony a look of disapproval.

“Tony, I know you have enough alcohol and crackers in here to last you a lifetime, but considering the lack of cracker boxes and the abundance of alcohol bottles I’m guessing you haven’t done anything too healthy.” It was true, now that Bruce looked there were bottles hidden _everywhere_ , and while it was endearing that he had hidden them while obviously drunk, behind a transparent hologram of a “Nothing Here” sign wasn’t very convincing.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry guys.


End file.
